2012, So Far

2011 brought so many wonderful things to my life. Bill, my promotion, great new friends, progress on my CPA exam--life is fantastic. But it has been hard to see the light over the last month.

I had a panic attack at work last week.

I'm still learning, and it's a daily struggle to remind myself that this challenge is what I asked for in my new job. I'm just so very ready to be good at my job again. The finance rotation program is what attracted me to Intel in the first place but right now it is just making me feel like a moron and a failure.

Evening Solace, by Charlotte Bronte

The human heart has hidden treasures,
In secret kept, in silence sealed;--
The thoughts, the hopes, the dreams, the pleasures,
Whose charms were broken if revealed.
And days may pass in gay confusion,
And nights in rosy riot fly,
While, lost in Fame's or Wealth's illusion,
The memory of the Past may die.

But there are hours of lonely musing,
Such as in evening silence come,
When, soft as birds their pinions closing,
The heart's best feelings gather home.
Then in our souls there seems to languish
A tender grief that is not woe;
And thoughts that once wrung groans of anguish
Now cause but some mild tears to flow.

And feelings, once as strong as passions,
Float softly back--a faded dream;
Our own sharp griefs and wild sensations,
The tale of others' sufferings seem.
Oh! when the heart is freshly bleeding,
How longs it for that time to be,
When, through the mist of years receding,
Its woes but live in reverie!

And it can dwell on moonlight glimmer,
On evening shade and loneliness;
And, while the sky grows dim and dimmer,
Feel no untold and strange distress--
Only a deeper impulse given
By lonely hour and darkened room,
To solemn thoughts that soar to heaven
Seeking a life and world to come.